The Servant has its own vocabulary so we don’t have any language misinterpretation problems. I have noticed that most of us have different ideas of the meaning behind the words we're using to communicate. I’ve chosen words that will probably initially mean something else to you. I just scoot right around that road block by defining the words to make sure we’re all on the same page. I’m asking you to take the time to understand the meaning I’m assigning to them. Here are the words on the first level:
Desire – core need, goal, expectation, hope, purpose, destination for a specific relationship
When they are Undesirable Effects – the repulsion you experience towards your Specific Person and/or your Cause when you engage in your Process; the pride or envy you experience upon evaluating a specific person’s Process; the Sorrow and dissatisfaction you experience when interacting and communicating with your Specific Person; the toxic shame or blame you experience because of an Incompatible Relationship; the insecurity and discomfort you experience because of an Incompatible Relationship.
*When I refer to the other person in your relationship, I will either use "your Specific Person" or the male pronouns for simplicity’s sake even though your relationship may be with a female. Make the switch in your mind and in your notebook if it is the opposite.
I have been trained in how to resolve Undesirable Effects by using the Resources that I present in the Servant. Whereas I once was subject to them and had no idea how to get out, now I understand why I experience them and what to do to change them to Desirable Effects. I have organized these Resources into a story-in-reverse. Instead of me telling you my story about my relationships and all the conflict resolution processes I've worked through to obtain my desired relationships, I'm asking you to tell yours. For example, one of the most important Resources I was taught is to identify what choices I am responsible for making and what variables are subsequently dependent upon the choices that I make. So in regards to your relationship story, you are asked questions in which you have to make choices. Here is a sampling of the first level questions:
What is your Desire?
It is important to understand that it is your responsibility to choose your Desire and describe it in as much detail as you can.
Who is your Cause?
It is important to identify who your Cause is, especially if you are unconscious to this choice that you have been making, and to understand that if this relationship is not enabling you to obtain your Desire it is your responsibility to seek out and develop a relationship with a Cause who is able to assist you.
What is your Process?
It is important for you to identify your present Process as well as seek to identify the Process you need to engage in to obtain your Desire. These may be different. Identifying any discrepancy between them is your responsibility. Doing so enables you to change a meandering course to one that is more purposeful, leading you more directly to the obtainment of your Desire. It is equally important to understand that your Cause should be exemplifying the Process as well as training you in developing your abilities to engage in it consistently and supporting both members of your relationship throughout the developmental period.
What are the Effects you experience?
It is important that you understand that the Effects you experience are dependent upon your Process. When you have identified your true Desire and are engaged in the inherent Process to obtain it, you will experience Desirable Effects. When you’re pursuing a Desire that will never bring you satisfaction or you’re engaged in a Process that is leading you off the pathway to obtaining your true Desire, you will experience Undesirable Effects.
What are your Results?
It is important to evaluate your Results to determine if you are obtaining your Desire or not, given your choice of Cause, consistent Process, and changes in Desirable vs. Undesirable Effects. Evaluating the Effects you experience is a subjective measurement that is also objective. It is subjective in that only you can determine if you are satisfied with the level of Joy, Attraction, Compatibility, and Satisfaction in the relationship. It is objective in that you can’t will yourself to be happy, attracted to your Specific Person, compatible with, or satisfied with the relationship unless you have chosen a true Desire and are consistently engaging in the inherent Process to obtain it. Faking it gets you nowhere. Compensating with overeating, pills, other substances or conflicting relationships only numbs you to both Desirable and Undesirable Effects.
Evaluating your progression in the obtainment of Resources is also an important step towards Relationship Compatibility. These are the Resources that you and your Specific Person need and desire to develop to sustain your relationship. Some of the most important Resources are relationship skills. Do you know how to respond when things don't go your way? Do you know how to hold steadfast in your faith in Christ instead of reacting in imbalance to your Specific Person or other sources of adversity? Have you developed a close enough relationship with your Savior (your General Cause)? When your needs aren't being met in the relationship, are you able to turn to him for resolution? When both members of a relationship have these abilities and talents not just a functional relationship is developed, but a relationship that is completely satisfying. Without this relationship with our Savior and these skills, they inevitably unravel into dysfunctional relationships.
The Servant Initiative is flexible and dynamic. You are asked questions. You choose the relationship you want to work on. You figure out the most suitable Cause who is willing and able to guide and support you through the developmental period. You identify the Effects you experience and determine if you are satisfied with your relationship or not. You identify the most important Resources in your relationship that need to be changed or strengthened. You choose how much time you want to spend on it and how deep you want to go with it. You choose if you want to (or can) answer the questions right now or if you need to take a few days, weeks, or months to evaluate your thoughts and feelings in order to connect up with your most honest answer. You can work on it a few minutes at a time or a few hours. When you are satisfied with your Results, that’s when you’re good to go. There is no reason to progress past that point.
How long have I been working to develop this program?
13 years.
How frequently have I worked on the Servant throughout those years?
For the majority of those years I have worked on it as much as and more than a full time job. There have been some brief periods where it has been my part time job or I have put it aside to test out other pathways, which ended up being a deviance from my true Desire.
To finish this thing in order to share the treasures of knowledge that I’ve been taught, which have freed me from the spiritual prison I was in (Undesirable Effects) and have enabled me to satisfactorily progress towards the obtainment of my Desires in my relationships with God and Marriage, Family, and Community. To clarify, what I’m attempting to accomplish with the Servant is to pass on the tools I was given that freed me from the Undesirable-Effects-prison and have enabled me to experience sustainable Joy, Attraction, and Satisfaction even as I continue to journey to my desired destination. It’s important to note that my life – my developmental journey – is not without Undesirable Effects. But when I do experience them, I am aware that they are the merciful guidance of my Cause communicating to me that I am getting off track and need to center back up.
I am still working on building the website. I change it often. Eventually it will be what I envision it to be. So if you want to deal with my share-while-I-figure-this-whole-thing-out process, go ahead and start now but if not, keep checking back every few months.
Who has been my Cause?
Jesus Christ.
It is for anyone who is trapped in Undesirable Effects (fear, depression, boredom, apathy, anxiety, confusion, conflict, sorrow, anger, loneliness, pain, numbness, doubt, pride, envy, toxic shame or blame) and can’t get out on their own. It is for those who can’t afford to go to a counselor or who have been, are still in the trap, and don’t want to take meds to resolve the problem. It is for those who desire to develop more Compatible Relationships with God and their spouse, parents, siblings, friends, children, and/or community.
How is the Servant similar to other programs or services offered?
It is similar to going to a counselor, life coach, or therapy.
It is different because I’m not charging any fees for my services. It has only cost me my time and energy (spiritual and physical blood and sweat) to be trained in these things. It will cost you in a similar way but hopefully less because I've trekked ahead and have built a number of bridges and pathways for you. Because I don’t have the motive to be financially supported by you, my only desire is to assist you. Thirteen years ago when I saw this thing coming I chose and committed to God not to do it for money but only for him and for those who are now as I was. My pay - my recompense – has and will continue to come from him so if you find this program useful to you, it is him you can thank. There is a bill as is true for every sacrifice but He’s paying it.
As you go through this program, you will be developing your communication relationship with him, not me. He has many scribes. I am one of them.
If you are a non-believer in Jesus Christ or you believe in him but don’t believe in his active role in our lives right here and right now, I challenge you to give this a try - test out if he is indeed there, ready and willing to be apart of your journey right here, right now.
It is important to find a quiet, private place and plenty of time to ponder on your answers. I strongly recommend writing down your answers to each question in a notebook or journal. You will consistently need to refer back to your previous answers.
START NOW.
