The Servant Initiative

Life is a series of desire obtainment and conflict resolution processes in efforts to develop compatible relationships. At any given time, we are working towards resolving conflicts in a relationship or achieving greater compatibility. This process can get pretty complicated and frustrating. The Servant is a question-based program that has been designed to help you with developing more sustainable compatibility in your relationships.

Most of us love stories. Within any given story there is a main character that has a specific conflicting relationship she has to work out or a relationship she has to develop. This is usually identified in the first few pages. The rest of the story is about how, with the help of other story characters, she resolves her conflicts to obtain relationship compatibility. We all are the main character in our own stories. We all want compatible relationships. In our life journey, most of us experience conflict in relationships. Within each of our stories, we have certain choices that need to be made. We create certain pathways and boundaries when we make certain choices. The Servant program illuminates those choices as well as the subsequent pathways and boundaries that are created.

In the relationship you want to work on, there may be more than you and another person. Let’s say you want your family of four to develop better compatibility. If that’s the case, work on one relationship at a time. E.g. One relationship: Your relationship with your spouse.  Another relationship: Your relationship with your son.

When I refer to the other person in your relationship, I will use the male pronoun for simplicity’s sake even though your relationship may be with a female. Make the switch in your mind and in your notebook if it is the opposite sex.

What do I mean by notebook?
It is important to find a quiet, private place and plenty of time to ponder on your answers. I strongly recommend writing down your answers to each question in a notebook or journal.

In your quest to develop a compatible relationship, you need to be able to answer these Level 1 questions:

What is your Desire for this relationship?

Who is your Cause—role model, mentor, counselor, mediator trainer, evaluator?

What is the Process you're presently engage in to obtain a compatible relationship with this person?

What Effects—response processes of the other person—are you experiencing when you engage in this Process?

What are your Results

At first glance, it may seem easy to answer these questions. But there are so many variables that enter into our stories and relationships, which create conflict for us. We may have conflicting relationships with other people or we may not know with whom we want to establish a compatible relationship but know that we need to. We may not know how to navigate the plethora of advice and feedback we’re receiving and/or have no one who can successfully steer us right. We may be going about the Process in a less than productive way or maybe we’re going about it in the right way but the other person in the relationship isn’t. We may be continuously reacting to the other person’s Processes and/or vice versa. It’s possible that we may be tracking results that are less important or that we don’t know what results to track or how to track them. 

The Servant program takes us up seven pathways of questions that enable us to explore our relationships and unravel the tight knots of misunderstanding that cause conflict and prevent them from being compatible.

After answering a question, you will be given a few different directions to choose from. For example, if you have no idea what a compatible relationship looks like and you want to research that first, you will be directed to go to Level 2 before proceeding to the next question in Level 1. 

Level 2 questions focus on identifying what a compatible relationship is in general and what it might look like for your specific relationship with the unique people involved. What do you think makes a person happy? What does every person in this type of relationship generally need? Now what does the unique person in your relationship specifically need? How are his needs different from others?

Level 3 focuses on finding the balance between what a compatible relationship is in general and what specific character traits, strengths, and resources are needed by both individuals in order to be satisfied in the relationship. If one person needs the other to have certain core strengths but the other person doesn’t have them or doesn’t want to develop them, we have a fundamental roadblock in our quest to obtaining a compatible relationship. In other words, is there a balance between both unique individuals or can it be obtained?

Level 4 asks you to differentiate between the Spiritual and Physical aspects of your relationship and how these needs are being met as well as the conflicts that are occurring between them.

Level 5 addresses the age-old concept of morality: to serve first or to seek to be served first – that is the question. The sustainable nature of the compatibility of our relationship depends upon how we choose to obtain them. We address the Processes of voluntary vs. grudge sacrifice. We can become too ascetic in our relationship or we can live only for ourselves. It’s possible that we feel like we’re already sacrificing to our limits for the other person in our relationship or that we can never do enough for him. It may be that we don’t want to risk giving the other person our heart first for fear that he will walk all over it and are waiting for him to give his first.

Level 6 assists you with exploring your commitments. Which ones support your desire for a compatible relationship with this person and which ones are conflicting. We have commitments to him but we most likely have other relationships and therefore commitments with other people. Commitments can be added or changed in order to improve compatibility.

Level 7 directs you to review past relationships, another one of your relationships, or other people’s relationships that were not as compatible as desired to begin with but became more compatible over time. You are asked to identify the Cause, Process, Effects, and progressive Results of these relationships and then to compare and contrast them with your present relationship that you’re working on.

I am still working on building the website. I change it often. Eventually it will be what I envision it to be. So if you want to deal with my sharing-while-learning process, go ahead and start now but if not, come back in the end of April, 2019.

START NOW: Select the Desire tab in the top menu if you're on a computer. If you're on a smartphone or tablet*, the menus display differently than if you're on a computer. 

*When I access it from my iPhone, it has all the tabs in the top menu. The top drop down menu represents Level 1, the second, Level 2, etc. I'm not sure why they are presently all titled "Home" but when I figure it out, it will hopefully have each level labeled correctly. For now just know the levels are ordered from top to bottom. 

In the navigational directions, I will put directions for those on smartphones or tablets in (parentheses) next to the directions for those using a computer.

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